$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
