Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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