I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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