What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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