Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
