Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
