it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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