I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Randomize
