Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
