I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
