Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
