she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Blow job season was short but glorious.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
