I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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