Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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