Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Randomize
