ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
