how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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