Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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