Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
