I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
