You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
do nipples grow back?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize