I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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