super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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