think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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