so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
