I want to make a zoo with you.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
