I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
