Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
