Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize