He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
