If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
