he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
