you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
