enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
