lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
