Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
