who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
