and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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