the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
