I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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