this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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