the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
