Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
