I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
