so explain again why im purple
no
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
