how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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