remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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