i would punch a child for taco bell
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
