can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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