I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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