saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
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