a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
