i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
