I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
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