OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
