worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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