so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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