I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
