i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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