If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
