his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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