I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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