Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
