I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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