coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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