Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
