You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
