i need an iv and a liver transplant
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
