The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
