Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
