I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I have already put on my inside pants.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
