You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
